only me

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 06:46:40 GMT

scottie-

for every breath that i take, i think of you.
for every smile on my face, i fall in love with you.
you are part of my soul.
without you nothing would make sense.
without you my world would crumble.
everyday i fall more in love with you.
i love you.

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 17:42:55 GMT

i am happy.

i am miserable.

why?

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 18:06:26 GMT

i am unable to commit to things that are to better my life. such as school. i can't do it. i'm scared to death to do things on my own, fearing that i may have to be independent. i have yet to be independent, because as silly as it sounds, i was raised to be dependent on those around me. odd hunh? well, that's the way it's been since i was little. my mother told me that for as long as i was around, someone would take care of me. and i guess i've just let that happen. i've never taken the initiave(SP!?!??) to make myself independent. so here i am, supposed to leave for this meeting in a few minutes, and i'm so scared i'm considering popping pills so i can't remember what i'm scared about.

Sat, 29 Nov 2003 05:32:14 GMT

we are not friends anymore. stop pretending like you care. i did.

one more nite of stress and worry drove me to my only release. you are not worth my tears or my blood.

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 05:46:18 GMT

you cause me more pain and worry and stress than you're worth. and you know what else? YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE ME. i put up with your bullshit and in the end, you know you can get away with it because i do it all the time. i just wish i had a chance to tell you this to your face, but i can't find you again! i fucking HATE YOU GODDAMNIT

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 22:58:38 GMT

right at this moment you are sitting in a jail cell with your new best friend, and for what? you decided that money was too important to pass up, and made a stupid decision. now you have to pay for it, and do you KNOW how that makes me feel? i told you not to go, to escape that lifestyle. now you pay. now you feel remorse. fuck you.

Thu, 13 Nov 2003 06:34:22 GMT

i take things for granted. at this moment, warm salty tears are rolling down my cheeks because i've come to terms with the fact that my mom loves me. she would love me if she didn't have to. i take her for granted, and she is one of main reasons i am still here today. i just don't want to ever disappoint my mother, or have to carry on with life without knowing that i love her. thank you mom.

and you know, i used to have some great friends. people i could talk to about anything, that would really listen. well, those people are no longer a part of my life. and i never took time to thank SOMEONE for that.

god. i hate who i've become.

Tue, 11 Nov 2003 06:51:59 GMT

i will never understand her. she acts like everything should be her business, when in reality, we stopped being best friends awhile ago. it hurts. but i can't control how someone feels about me. i don't want to control her. she means nothing to me anymore.

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 03:01:46 GMT

i'm just sick. sick of being built up, made to think i'm something important, that i hold knowledge of things that no one else can grasp. when, and only when, it seems like i'm finally getting somewhere, someone or something comes along to belittle me and make me realize that i'm no one. i hate being there, but i'm always there. see me? i represent nothing.

in the scheme of things, we are all a number. a statistic. a black amd white figure on a sheet of paper. well, in writing, we mean nothing. in life, we mean nothing. we live life to the fullest, as they say? what's the point? your soul just passes on to another body. i still can't see why anyone makes a big deal out of the small things. here i say this, but i am currently doing that.

hypocricy rules the world.

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 06:07:13 GMT

something that means so much to me is a lie to other people, and it hurts me so much. it's not a big deal, deep down, but it is. i'm sitting here CRYING because one of my "friends" refuses to believe me. i just....

want to die.

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 05:10:58 GMT

shannah dear, i love you. i am here, though distance is a circumstance that neither of us can overcome. my love for you is deeper than either of us realize, and one day, we will be together.

Wed, 05 Nov 2003 05:25:05 GMT

nothing.